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Published on December 8th, 2011 | by John


Tech The Halls: John

I love Christmas. Probably my favorite time of the year. I love giving people gifts, I love recieving gifts and I love spending drunk time with my family. That said, I already have everything I’ve ever wanted, because I make so much internet money. I’m famous.

But really, this was actually a difficult list for me to make, but I managed to think of some delicious gifts that the technology gods may be able to provide me. I’m also wishing for something that is Miss America worthy. (Always think about the little people, guys. Literally the little people.)

Bestow upon me a new Quake game, ID. Please?

Seriously, ID…Please? The fast paced action is missing this day in age. Tribes is fast, but it’s not the same. Santa, I need a new Quake game. I’ll bake you special cookies. Want a refreshing HJ? You got it! Just give me a new Quake!

Samsung SyncMaster MD230X6

All of those screens. The amount of multi-tasking I can do on that many screens is mind boggling. CoD 4 on one screen, WoW on another. Most importantly, various websites featuring male genitalia on each of the other screens.  That’s living the good life, my friends.

Are you extremely wealthy? Okay. Buy me 2 GTX 590s. Thanks.

It’s not that I’m not satisfied with my current performance. I am. I’m running crossfire 6970s, and nothing really touches them. However, when we ran excessive testing and brain mapping on 1200 PC gamers, we found that the only thing they actually care about is the size of their e-peen. Mine needs to be bigger. Give me.

You may ask me why not 2 6990s? AREN’T THEY FASTER, JOHN? Sure they are. I’ve had one. Ever stick your ear inside of a jet engine during takeoff? That’s what my house sounded like.  TOO LOUD.

And for the sake of humanity, and short people all around the world:

Miracle grow for PEOPLE


Dan is 4 foot 3.



Happy holidays!




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10 Responses to Tech The Halls: John

  1. Zelos45 says:

    “Ever stick your ear inside of a jet engine during takeoff? That’s what my house sounded like.” made me lol. Great list.

  2. Ofenlicht says:

    2 Gtx590? Solid.
    I really would like to hear Dans reaction to your second last sentence :D

  3. DamnedNiggar says:

    lol 4foot 3, is he a dwarf

  4. Mikan says:

    Instead of Quake Live they’ll be like: Well this is great for us we can renew it and call it Quake: XBOX Live, it’ll be the best game ever.

  5. AlmightySheep says:

    I have an EVGA GTX 590 classified.
    I like my 700$ mousepad.

  6. Dark Zero says:

    I would love a new Quake or Unreal Tournament ’99/2004 game too. GIVE US. AND MAKE IT PC ONLY.

  7. Jugs says:

    Cant wait for a new the new quake from id. hopefully its a good console port. #Trololol



Dicks and butts. Title: Internet Famous About: John loves all things FPS games. John hates all things thumbsticks.

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